Author Provocateur

It's that time of month. (Unless you're on TV.)

 

We've crossed the bridge into the 21st century--unless you're an actress in a tampon commercial.

On American TV, we're still squeamish when talking about menstruation.

That is, a woman's period.

Her "little visitor."

Being "on the rag," as it were.

As Adweek points out, it's ironic that a product created in the 1930s -- and on television, FINALLY, in 1973 -- is still cloaked in AdLandia shorthand.

Forget code words. White short shorts or short skirts was -- is -- GirlSpeak for "it's okay to use tampons instead of pads, without worrying about bleedthrough."

To paraphrase, Betty Friedan: it's the feminine hygiene mystique.

The FCC has what is calls  "the seven dirty words" which are forbidden to say on TV. I'm too much of a lady to say them here, but you can guess what they are:

• Sh*t
• P*ss
• F*ck
• C*nt
• C*cks*cker
• M*therf*cker
• T*ts

Has anyone noticed that dick and penis isn't on the list?

Which is possibly why, yes: those words flow trippingly through the boob tube.

At least, on basic cable, which is known for its potty mouth (DEADWOOD!!! I MISS YOU!!!!) 

Some of these words have already slipped into major broadcast network viewing as well.

So why not vagina? Why do television hostesses fudge it by saying "va-jay-jay? They should follow Lissa Rankin's advice and say it loud, say it proud.

Lubricant ads show couples in bed. Condom ads have now broken the television barrier, too. Turn on a football game and you'll overdose on Viagra and Cialis ads. (Puh-leeeez: get that couple out of their his-and-hers outdoor clawfoot tubs!)

The 1st Amendment makes strange bedfellows. A disparate group has coallesced around the goal of ending television censorship . It includes the Pacifica Foundation on the left, and the Cato Institute (a Libertarian think tank) on the right.

In fact, on July 13, 2010 in New York, FCC regulations regarding "fleeting" use of expletives were ruled unconstitutionally vague by a three-judge panel of the U.S. 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals,  which ruled that they violated the First Amendment in light of their possible effects regarding free speech.

Maybe we're finally crossing that bridge into the 21 century.

So that we get our celebrity fix for the day, click onto the video below. At the time (1985) , it was considered groundbreaking because she actually said the "P" word.

Several times, in fact!

Recognize the actress in this Tampax ad? When it comes to their careers, everyone's starts somewhere --

Period.

*Picture: The eyes have it! Tampons--that don't leak--are a girl's best friend.

Ewwww yuck is a fact of life,

-- Josie

 

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 THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK 
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I'm not going to let 2012 be my "bad hair day" of years, and you shouldn't either.

Martin and I used to think that our best years ended in odd numbers.

In hindsight, I think we'd flip that analogy to fit any year in which we weren't having a great year.

For us -- and I guess a lot of you, too -- 2011 was a mixed blessing. I'm not an avid baseball fan, but there is something to say about "times up to bat": the more you put it out there, the better chance you'll have of scoring a hit, as opposed to an error.

And every now and then, you also hit it out of the park.

Granted, for Team Brown, there were enough errors for 2011 to turn us around on the assumption that odd years are our best. But we also had our fair share of hits, including the launch of four books. My two were The Baby Planner and The Housewife Assassin's Handbook. Martin's books were Fit in 50 Days, and on the last day of the year, The Ultimate New Year's Resolution Diet.

Not only that, but I saw one of my titles, True Hollywood Lies, achieve the ranking of 411 in Amazon Bestsellers, as well as #9 in Amazon's category of Books/Literature & Fiction/Comic.

On the first day of every new year, Martin starts off by saying,  "It's a new year, and we're still here."

He means this, literally as well as figuratively.

It's an inside joke:

One new year's day, just after we moved to Marin County, we were walking our children into Mill Valley's Old Mill Park when the skies opened up. As the rain poured down, an elderly gentleman, standing in his garage called out, "You can stand here with me, if you want, until it blows over."

We were happy to take him up on his offer.

Standing there, we made small talk. I don't know how the subject of the man's wife came up. I guess it had to do with the fact that we'd just started another new year. With the openess  that only comes with fresh emotional wounds, he said, "Yep, just this past new year's day, as we sat down to breakfast, she said, 'Well, it's a new year, and we're still here.' Then she dropped dead of a heart attack."

What a way to start the year: losing the person you love the most, whom you've spent a lifetime.

Any other issues are miniscule. They are a run in the pantyhose of your life.

To put things in perspective: he hadn't had a bad hair day. He had a bad hair year.

Whenever we're coming off a bad year, or we're trepidacious as to what the new year will bring, we remember that man and the wife he mourned.

And we count our blessings. Here are the ones I cherish most:

- We have great health, as do our children.

- We are still as madly in love today as we were on the day we married.

- We saw many of our far-flung family this year, making new memories even as we remembered the old ones.

- Our friends are loving, appreciative and a joy to be around. If only we could see more of them, more often!

- We love what we do, which is write.

You've got to love the fact that life is just one big tease,

-- Josie

*Photo: Uber-model Jean Shrimpton, by Richard Avedon. Talk about helmet hair!

 

 Read an excerpt of
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK 
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Supreme Court on the gender bias class action case against Wal-Mart is narrowed to those women with grievances.

On one hand, I was disappointed with the Supreme Court ruling that threw the gender bias lawsuit against omnipotent retailer, Wal-Mart, out of court. I would imagine that if it were a company-wide policy, then EVERY woman should have been included in this class-action case.

But who is to say, if only a handful came forward of the thousands of women who at Wal-Mart work, or have worked there over the years?

On the other hand, the women who actually stood up about these practices should be the ones to reap the benefit from the outcome of the case, should the court rules in their favor--

Of course, the attorneys will be getting their cut first, so it may be a hollow victory at best.

To paraphrase Marilyn Monroe in Some Like it Hot? "I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollypop?"

You can watch that scene here...

--Josie

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK
Murder. Suspense. Sex. 
And some handy household tips.

Signal Press - Digital eBook 

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Tucson Tragedy: It's Time for Comprehensive Universal Mental Health

The despair felt by the parents of the mentally ill -- especially those whose illnesses, such as schizophrenia, manifest into anger and has caused them to do physical harm to others -- is unfathomable by the rest of us.

These are not bad parents. They are people who love their children, and have done their best to get medical attention for their offspring, despite the expense (psychopharmaceutical drugs can be as much as $100 a pill, even if needed daily), and the stress of all the red tape traps devised by our American health insurance system--not to mention the lack of comprehensive medical care for the mentally ill, once the financial hurdles have been jumped. 

Below is an excerpt for the Mother Lode column in the New York Times, in which several parents with mentally ill children who have done similar acts give their perspectives on the Tucson, Arizona killing rampage that injured fourteen, including U.S. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, and killed six others.

We can't take healthcare off the table now. In so many ways, our lives depend on our society -- and elected officials -- addressing this topic, and moving forward on workable answers.

 

I've also included a video, from PBS's NewsHour, on the Tucson and the missed opportunities to prevent it by assessing Laughner's mental health situation. Sadly, Laughner was putting his intentions out there with YouTube videos.

The irony: Arizona had cut $65 million from its mental health social services budget since 2008.

Knowledge is power,

--Josie

 

 

MOTHERLODE / Adventures in Parenting / New York Times

January 11, 2011, 3:31 pm

A Killer’s Parents

By LISA BELKIN

Pima County Sheriff’s OfficeA photograph of Jared L. Loughner released by the Pima County Sheriff’s Office.

With Jared Lee Loughner’s unhinged grin staring out from so many Web sites and newspapers today, parents of troubled young adults are stepping forward, giving glimpses into the pain and impotence that comes when your child has mental illness.

In Chicago, the longtime local CBS news anchor Bill Kurtis shared all that and more with viewers last night, talking publicly for the first time about his son Scott, who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and who died in 2009 when he was 38.

In unscripted comments coming after a report on the reasons authorities don’t take action against bizarre behavior before it turns threatening, Kurtis talked of how his son heard voices and suffered from hallucinations, but was not violent. The turn toward violence in the mentally ill, however, can be unpredictable, Kurtis said. “I was told my son went nonviolent, and he was no danger,” he said. “But 10 percent of the crimes are committed by mentally ill people who do turn violent.”

After the newscast Kurtis told the blogger Robert Federer that he decided to speak out because Loughner’s story seemed so familiar. “I never wanted to exploit Scott and the illness, and always thought that if he wanted it to go public, he should be able to make the decision and talk about it,” Kurtis said. “We’d been living with this for so long that when I heard some of the witnesses and observers who came forward Saturday [to describe Loughner], I felt this was the perfect time. In schizophrenia, they say people seem to come in and out. So they can look normal and function normally and go in and buy a gun.”

One can only imagine that Kurtis is putting himself in the shoes of Loughner’s parents and wondering “what if?” That is definitely what Jeannette Halton-Tiggs is doing, and she wrote about it today over on The Daily Beast.

In a column titled “Mother of a Monster,” she describes to columnist Mansfield Frazier how her son, Timothy Halton Jr. was sentenced to life in prison for shooting a police officer.

As she says:

…in truth my Timmy is not, and never was, a monster… what he was cursed to be is one of the literally millions of hopelessly and irrevocably mentally ill individuals in the world today. He suffers from a severe form of paranoid schizophrenia that renders him incapable of controlling his thoughts, emotions or actions when, for a variety of reasons — some beyond his control — he is off his medications. And I did everything humanly possible within my power to keep him on a treatment regimen, but, alas, to no avail.

The reality is, no one can be as deranged as my son, or as Jared Loughner apparently is, without many people being aware of his deteriorating mental condition — yet seemingly no one moved to force him into treatment. The burning question following a mind-boggling incident of this kind should be: “Why do we, as a society, allow known dangerously mentally ill individuals to make their own decisions in regard to receiving treatment?”

There is a powerful contingent of folks in the mental-health care delivery field in this country who posit that no one should be compelled to be treated for their illness unless, and until, they harm someone. This, in itself, is insane … and dangerous to boot. I screamed at the top of my lungs that my son was one day going to hurt someone, or himself, but no one in a position of authority to avert the tragedy would listen or do anything.

That is mostly because Timmy turned 18 and his mother lost legal authority to control whether he took his medicines or was hospitalized or even monitored. Halton-Tiggs cites data which show that “more than 40,000 dangerously mentally ill individuals are roaming America’s streets on any given day, untreated.”

All those individuals are someone’s child.

As Halton-Tiggs concludes: “I’m pretty sure I know what Loughner’s family is going though. The guilt, the shame, the sense of despair.”

Statistics mean that tens of thousands of other parents out there fear one day knowing those feelings as well.

(c) 2010 New York Times.

Octomom: A Mother in Name Only

If you're looking for family tragedy, just go to the headlines: Lindsay Lohan and her family. Brittney Spears and hers.

And then there's "Octomom," the public moniker for Nadya Suleman, a woman whose only claim to fame is that she gave birth to octuplets. She has a total of fourteen children, thanks to her obsession with assisted reproductive technology.

Oh, and let's not forget that she reshaped her face so that it resembles that of her celebrity idol, Angelina Jolie.

As you can imagine, there has been an investigation by the Medical Board of California of the fertility specialist involved. Here's hoping that they're checking into her plastic surgeon, too.

She was kicked out of her mother's home. I guess Mama figured out fast that all Octomom wanted was a free live-in babysitter.

Now she is about to be evicted from her own SoCal home because she's $450,000 behind in her mortgage. Her only knight in shining armor is porn king Steve Hirsch--who wants to put her on the payroll.

She's  not much of a role model--which, along with feeding and providing a safe enviornment for your children, is what we owe our children most.

Tell you what: I'll get off my high horse just as soon as Social Services gets off their butts, and the media finds another emotional train wreck.

Preferrably one in which the collateral damage isn't fourteen children who no one seems to care about.

So sad,

-Josie

 In Bookstores April 5, 2011!

THE BABY PLANNER - A Novel by Josie Brown

(Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books)

ISBN#: 9781439197127

"I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heartwrenching  pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!"
—Lisa Rinna, actress, and author of the novel, Starlit

Order your copy today:

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So Sad: Killer Strollers

Because my next book, THE BABY PLANNER, deals with a woman whose job includes choosing baby gear for her clients (she also previously worked for a state agency dealing with safety product issues), of course this article caught my eye. Please pass forward to your friends who are in baby- and toddler mode and may want to know about this.

Lookin' out for my peeps,

--Josie

In Bookstores April 5, 2011!

THE BABY PLANNER - A Novel

(Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books)
ISBN#: 978-1439197127

PRE-ORDER NOW,  from

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2 Million Baby Strollers Recalled After 4 Deaths

By Dhanya Skariachan Dhanya Skariachan – 41 mins ago

NEW YORK, Oct 20 (Reuters Life) – A leading producer of children's products is recalling about 2 million baby strollers sold before 2008 at major U.S. retailers, after four infants died of strangulation.

The news of the recall by Graco Children's Products Inc, of the China-made strollers, comes less than three weeks after Mattel Inc's Fisher-Price recalled some 10 million toys and other items, renewing concerns about safety standards of infant products -- a good chunk of which is made in low-cost centers like China.

The latest recall, made along with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, applies to Graco Quattro Tour and MetroLite strollers sold at retailers including Babies R Us, Sears, Target and Wal-Mart between November 2000 and December 2007.

In addition to the four deaths, the CPSC said it was also aware of reports of five infants becoming entrapped, resulting in cuts and bruises, and one having difficulty breathing.

"This recall involves strollers sold as long as 10 years ago, demonstrating the ongoing need for families to remain vigilant about hazardous products lurking in their homes," said Dan Verakis, founder and CEO of SafetyBook.org, which runs a recall-monitoring service for consumers.

Earlier this year, Graco recalled another 1.5 million strollers after the CPSC received reports of children's fingertips being amputated.

 

Your family photo album: Is it buried under the bed, online, or deep in your psyche?

I laughed my head off when I saw that the guys who started AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com got a two-book deal. Yes, they deserve it: they're mining a treasure trove of our worse memories: those incidents most of us have hoped were buried deeper than between two sheets of acetate and under the bed, up in the closet, or down in the cellar.

For me, that includes every bad hairdo and fat phase.

For my kids, I'm sure it's every and any photo in which they are standing beside my husband Martin and me.

Martin knows no such qualms. He never changes! His photos must be in the attic on some paranormal easel that keeps him looking perpetually a decade younger. 

If and when I flip through my old childhood  photo albums, a few of the snapshots might actually make me wince because of the event where it was taken. The picture wasn't as bad as some off-hand remark that was made that day, some hurt feeling incurred. When we're younger, we're more sensitive. We haven't had time to develop such thick skins.

It's why I worship La Mer. Softens the face, if not the heart.

I take a lot of pictures with my digital camera. Sometimes I post them online. In all honesty, it's been a while since I've had any printed out. You can't even do it anymore in my local CVS. I have to run to the store-formerly-known-as-Kinkos to do that these days, and that's just too much of a bother. Yeah, yeah, I know: I can always uplink them to an online printing source, but truth be, I miss the shock and awe of picking through the bad ones.

Do you still have your old photo albums? What are the chances they'll outlast you as your legacy?

And can our photo legacies live, in perpetuity, online?

Your thoughts welcomed -- as well as your funniest family photo! Email it to SecretLivesBook@gmail.com and the winner gets a free copy of my book!

—Josie

http://twitter.com/JosieBrownCA

http://www.facebook.com/josiebrownauthor

  Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives

American Idol Without Simon Cowell: Five Things We'll Miss (Paula Abdul, for One).

I'll admit it: I was an addict.

An AMERICAN IDOL addict.

I sobered up this year.

I don't blame the talent. Those kids sing their hearts out. It's their time to shine, their shot at the brass ring.

Nope, what made me go cold turkey was the thought that two of the four constant integers of the marvelous equation that made up IDOL -- judges Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul -- would no longer be a part of it.

It was bad enough when Paula left. If IDOL were a Hostess Ding Dong, Paula was the kooky gooey center that held together the dry crumbs so blithely tossed out to us,the plebian masses, by Simon.

Think Abbot (Simon) without Costello (Paula).  Or Kirk (Simon) without Spock (Paula).

Or (more gender-appropriately) Ricky without Lucy.

Yeah, okay, Paula is a flake. But to paraphrase Roosevelt, she's our flake.

Or was.

I actually like Kara. Randy knows his stuff, but needs a new schtick.

And who doesn't love Ellen? But seeing her on IDOL is like the first time you saw William Shatner do comedy after STAR TREK. He has the chops, but it's blowin' your couch-potatoe'd mind.

Which brings us back to Simon. What are the five things we'll miss most? Here's my list:

1. The wit. Say what you want about the man, he's sharp (ouch! that hurt!) as a tack.

2. The cutting remarks. No one slices and dices like Simon. Frankly he should move to the Food Network

3. That raised eyebrow at one of his jester's (fellow Atlanta native Ryan Seacrest's) many foibles.

4. The non-posh Brit accent.

5. The advice. He is a master class in the commercial music industry. And in TV land.

In other words, without him, IDOL is . . . . just a singing contest.

Goodbye, Simon. We knew ye well enough to love to hate you.

Well, the king is dead. Long live the king.

Back to reality TV,

--Josie

http://twitter.com/JosieBrownCA

 Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Pre-order today:

From Amazon

From Barnes & Noble

From Books a Million

From Borders

From Copperfield's

From Your Local Independent Bookstore

From Powell's

From Target

Mother's Day: What It Really Means to the Rest of Us

Two years ago on Mother's Day weekend, I buried my own mom.

It was a bittersweet occasion. She'd been ill for the last two years of her life: with a myelodysplasia, a disease that hinders the longevity of your red blood cells.

The downhill process was not pretty. She was not ready for the abyss of the great beyond, and fought to live until her dying breath.

I'm guessing I'll do the same.

It would be wonderful to say that she had been one of those moms who made every one of her children feel as if they were her favorites, but that wasn't the case. While growing up, winning her approval was a constant endeavor. Even as adults, her three kids tiptoed around any issue that might throw her into a tizzy, or have her worrying to the point that she'd call the other two siblings to espouse her views on the problem child du jour's issue at hand.

Eventually we trained ourselves not to do her bidding: that is, to reiterate her advice to the odd-kid-out—something that we knew she'd already expressed in her very direct manner.

I know her worries on our behalf was her way of staying close to her farflung children. And I have no doubt that it also gave her something to focus on, other than her own problems: specifically her bouts of depression.

Her mood swings were notorious. If one of us had the misfortune to be caught in the black maelstrom of one, all we could do was resign ourselves to wait it out.

Or to disappear from her life, sometimes for months at a time. 

Eventually, each of us came to the decision to live our lives without worrying "What would Mom think?" about the careers we chose, our spouses, and most importantly of all, the way in which we raised our own children.

Our kids also had their learning curves with their grandma. Their attitudes toward her ran the gamut: one lived for her approval. Another realized quickly that there was no pleasing her, and tuned her out completely. The third saw that her love was unconditional no matter what, and learned to laugh through any discomfort her suggestions and declaration caused.

I'd wished we'd all been that smart at that young age.

I don't wish to leave you with an image of a woman who didn't love her children. On the contrary, she loved us all very much: unconditionally in fact, despite her actions that, at the time, had us doubting this. It is why she worked all her life at jobs that didn't give her professional satisfaction, but put food on the table, clothed us, and allowed us to be raised in tidy houses within safe neighborhoods. It's why we all appreciate the need for a good education, even if she couldn't pay for it for us.

It's why we've always felt as if we were "special": a cut above everyone else, despite having no financial legacy, or renowned surname, or obvious talents.

We are special because she told us so, from the very beginning.

And at the end, she realized that we all loved her unconditionally, too.

So yes, everything I am—driven beyond reason, loving every moment of life, prideful of my children, and able to recognize the true love of my husband, Martin—I owe to my mother, Maria, God rest her soul. 

It is a parent's goal to teach their children the lessons they feel are important. What I don't think parents realize is that sometimes the most important things they teach us are what we've witnessed from their mistakes. 

For the most part, parenting is often trial by error.

In that regard, my mother taught me a lot: that in truth, none of us are the embodiment of perfection. Rather, we endeavor to rise above our faults and fears in the hope of making ourselves the very best we can be.

[My mom, at nineteen]

—Josie

http://twitter.com/JosieBrownCA

 Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

What do Albert Einstein, Gandhi, and Houdini Have in Common? My Pecan Pie

I was recently interviewed by MJ Rose as to my feelings regarding reincarnation -- just in time for the mass paperback version of her new book, THE REINCARNATIONIST, to hit bookstores.

I don't mean to get all woo-woo on you, but I do believe that our souls sometimes linger on this earth, or take on another body, when the will seeks a different way to reach out and touch someone again.

Which brings me to my dinner with Albert Einstein, Gandhi, and Houdini, all of whom were wise men when it comes to cosmic conundrums. One of the questions she asked was to name three deceased people with whom I'd love to break bread. Talk about a hostess dilemma! Knowing me, I'd be caught up in the preparation of the food as opposed to the fact that I'M HAVING DINNER WITH THREE OF THE GREATEST MINDS THAT ONCE TREAD THE EARTH.

To put things in perspective, I shouldn't really be worrying about whether I'll burn the veggies when I grill them, or if my guests will fall in love with my homemade pecan pie because they'd be there solely (soul-ly?) for the company, and so would I.

Life (and death) happens,

—Josie

  Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

Reality TV Wants YOU! Think You're Ready for Your Close-Up?

It's always a hoot when I get one of these in my mailbox. 

Alas, I've already had my shot at reality TV (you'll read more about that, come September 2010; though I warn you: it' ain't a pretty tale) so I'm passing this one along to all you single gals.

Lights, camera, action,

— Josie

REALITY TV PILOT IS SEARCHING FOR FUN, FEARLESS SINGLE WOMEN WHO ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE! 

Are you a woman in your 20’s or 30’s who is actively navigating the NYC online dating scene?

Have you looked for love on match.com or other online dating websites?

Do you and your single girlfriends have enough stories - the good, the bad and the ugly - to write a book on dating?
 
Are you New York City’s real life Carrie Bradshaw?

If so, we want to hear from you!

Picture Shack Entertainment is now casting fun, fabulous single women (and their friends!) for a new reality pilot about the good, the bad and the future happily-ever-afters of the NYC dating scene! We're looking for that vivacious group of girlfriends who are outgoing, adventurous and made-for-TV...all those real life Carries, Mirandas, Charlottes and Samanthas who will let us come along for the ride as they meet, date and discuss all those potential Mr. Rights!  

If you’re open to new styles of dating and love to meet new people online while searching for your Mr. Right, please contact us with a recent photo, as well as a brief description of yourself and your online dating history. If you have girlfriends who might be right for this ensemble show, please let us know! 

To apply or get information about the pilot
Please contact:  

Danielle Gervais (Casting Producer)
Call: 646-674-3098
Email: nydatingcasting2@gmail.com

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY PLEASE

Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY from:

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From Barnes & Noble

From Bigger Books

From Books a Million

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From Copperfield's

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Here's your chance to win a $200 gift card from Target!

No purchase necessary! All you have to do is read an excerpt of Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, and answer the question at the end.

All correct answers, received between between now and 12 Midnight PT on June 8, 2010, will be entered in the drawing, which takes place at my book tour stop on Thurs June 10, 2010. CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS...

Tiger Woods and Infidelity: You Call that a Confession?

Sex. Lies. And yep, here's the video tape.

The Tiger wants us off his back. He's hoping his public confession today will get us to jump off of it, once and for all.

Well . . .

No.

Because actions speak louder than words. At least, that's what my mama always told me, and here it is in pixelated HD TV as proof that she knew what she was talking about.

Because I write novels in which infidelity -- and yes, redemption -- are major plot points, I can tell you, first hand, that the whole Tiger Woods meltdown is stranger than fiction, to be sure. As a woman, I can't help but feel that his point in apologizing is to appease his endorsement sponsors and his golf fans, as opposed to his wife and family.

If he really wants to say he's sorry, then I hope he's in counseling with his Elin. I hope, when he says he loves his wife, that he respects her wishes that he ends all affairs. Yes, he can have anyone he wants. But if, who he wants is her, he'll have to earn back her love, her trust, and her respect.

But I'm no expert. I'm only a woman, and a wife.

That said, here's what Lee Dixon, an assistant psychology professor and relationship expert at the University of Dayton, reads this into Woods' statement today will affect Woods' relationships with his family, friends, business associates and competitors:

"Tiger acknowledged wrongdoing, expressed remorse and offered compensation, which in this case is treatment and therapy. That's conducive to one being forgiven. He also did a good job helping others feel empathy for him, which aids in one being forgiven as well.

"He really had a tight focus on the people whom he really hurt. If he had apologized to the whole universe, it wouldn't have worked as well. Apologies backfire if they are perceived as insincere or manipulative. He avoided that by apologizing to the people he hurt the most and not everyone in some sort of blanket apology.

"Getting in front of the camera will help for some people like his fans and business partners. But, Elin is right. For her, the rest of his family and those people closest to him, it's going to be about how Tiger lives his life and not what he does in front of the camera.

"I will say, for people who headed into this being skeptical, this probably didn't help Tiger at all. They could say this looked too scripted. But, for people who went in willing to hear Tiger and forgive him, I think this helped a lot.

"Also, in my opinion, I wouldn't read too much into Elin not being there. Because I felt he seemed sincere during the apology, it could be possible that he couldn't have gotten through the statement with his wife sitting there. If you put Elin in front of him, there could have been a meltdown. Also consider that he may be trying to protect his family. It would have been hypocritical to have his family there for a photo-op."

Here's to walking the walk,

—Josie

Josie's Twitter Page

Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores June 1, 2010

From Amazon

From Barnes & Noble

From Bigger Books

From Books a Million

From Borders

From Boswell Books

From Copperfield's

From Your Local Independent Bookstore

From Powell's

Housewife Couture: Dior's Fantasy Was Not the Reality

I love looking at my mother's photos of her in the 1950s, when she was a newlywed, albeit pre-children. In the one I'm looking at now, her hair is pulled back in an elegant chignon. At her neck is the requisite  strand of pearls. She wears fitted below-the-knee dress.

When at play, photos show her in Capri pants and crisp sleeveless blouses.

She had the figure to do it all justice.

She was a Dior housewife.

When the war ended, Rosie the Riveter gave her factory gig back to the man in her life so that he could bring him the bacon, and she could fry it up -- obviously not in the couture concoction seen here.

That's okay. Labeled "The New Look" by the media, Christian Dior was selling a wonderful dream that went hand-in-glove with the white picket fence every woman supposedly craved: fitted jacket, flared skirt, chapeau perched at an appealing angle...

And the eyes of every man in sight mesmerized by the vision of you.

It helped that the end of war meant freedom for fabrics, too, to be used in clothes that made women—well, more womanly. Out with the overalls, in with crepe or chiffon cocktail dresses, shirtwaist dresses, and the hostess apron.

Martinis and hors d'oeuvres, anyone?

Now, five decades later, I -- and the rest of my restless generation -- live for comfort, not luxury. This means yoga pants and hoodies. For an evening out, I up the ante to jeans, a nice top, and slouchy boots.

Obviously, I (or my wardrobe) lack my mother's elegance.

Do I blame myself, or the fashion gods?

Neither. To paraphrase Trollope, it's the way we live now.

I'll have what she's having...and make mine a double,

—Josie

 Josie' s Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores June 1, 2010

From Amazon

From Barnes & Noble

From Bigger Books

From Books a Million

From Borders

From Copperfield's

From Your Local Independent Bookstore

From Powell's

Forget Celebrity Navel-Gazing: Now We Can Look at Jessica Simpson's Ear Wax

Here's a new low in celebrity navel-gazing:

Watching the built-up wax dissolve from Jessica Simpson's ear.

Okay you've got to give the girl credit: she'll do anything to stay in the limelight.

Frankly, I wish she'd work on her singing career. She still has one, right?

Painters paint. Writers write. Singers sing.

Case in point: Andree Belle is one little honey who is working HARD as a jazz vocalist. If you live in LA, you're lucky, because you can hear her most weekends at Nic's Martini Bar, in Beverly Hills. 

And guess what? Her song below, VARIETY PACK, will be showcased on the TV show BEVERLY HILLS 90210 on Tuesday March 30, 2010 The CW). Be sure to watch! You won't want to miss it!

In fact, here's just one sample of her music. If you like it, you can buy it online at CDBaby:

	Andree Belle - Variety Pack .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Full disclosure: I am blessed to have this sweet, beautiful songbird as my niece.

Now do your own thing,

—Josie

My Next Book: SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES will be in bookstores June 1, 2010. To pre-order, click onto any of the bookstores on my sidebar...

Audrey Hepburn as Housewife

Even the celebrated have a corner or two of life that was -- and still is ordinary.

I found this great photo of Audrey Hepburn. Any others you'll see on the web show her "in character," that is, her face fixed with a coy gamine gaze, or hair upswept, with long gloves and a cigarette holder in hand.

Not this one. It must have been taken in the 1950s. It was possible that she was married to actor Mel Ferrer at the time. As you can see, it shows her crouched in front of an oven, potholder in hand, gauging the readiness of whatever is in the pan. Her look is causal: barefoot and dressed in a short summer romper. You'll note that, even in that stance, she is on tiptoe.

A formally trained ballerina, she was always en pointe.

Born in England to a Danish mother and a father who was a Nazi sympathizer, when her father deserted the family, her mother took her and her brother out of Great Britain to the Netherlands. While her country was under German occupation, she had to change her name so as not to be incarcerated, as her brother was. She supported the Danish Resistance by putting on covert fundraising benefits. When the Germans tried the starve the Danish for information on local Jews, she, like others, scrounged for food, even going so far as to crush tulip buds into flour for bread and cakes. Her starvation led to a lifetime battle with anemia.

Because of these experiences, since the 1950s she willing gave her time to UNICEF, becoming one of its Goodwill Ambassadors in 1999.

She knew the value of a life well lived. It drove her success in her career, which she took quite seriously. And despite two miscarriages, she eventually had the children she'd always hoped for. Two sons: one with Ferrer, and another with her second husband, Italian psychiatrist Andrea Dotti.

Sadly, both men were philanderers. She was smart enough to get out of both marriages.

I know this is a publicity shot. That's okay. Whatever her domestic skills truly were, one thing is certain: we don't love her for her baking and basting, but for her joi de vivre on film.

Besides, any woman who can bake a cake from tulip buds is a force to be reckoned with, in or outside the kitchen.

—Josie

 Josie' s Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores June 1, 2010

Pre-Order at any of the bookstore links in my sidebar...

All the Great Reasons to Rent a live Christmas Tree

Here's one way to keep your Christmas tree evergreen: rent a live one.

According to this article in the New York Times, one very smart Los Angeles entrepreneur, Scott Martin, figured out a business that not only saves trees from death-by-chainsaw, but bonds us to them as well, since you can get the same tree to celebrate around, year after year.

Not to mention, the clean-up is easy, since he and his crew deliver and pick up.

—Josie

Josie' s Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores June 1, 2010

Pre-Order at any of the bookstore links in my sidebar...

December 17, 2009 / New York Times

Business Delivers Christmas Trees for Rent

By JENNIFER STEINHAUER

TORRANCE, Calif. — It is a nibble weird that a guy who describes his relationship to Christmas as “hostile” runs around greater Los Angeles in a floppy red Santa hat and answers his iPhone, “Merry Christmas, this is Scotty Claus!”

But bummed as false merriment and gift obligations render him, Scott Martin — landscape architect and tree hugger in a literal sense — was unnerved by the sight of post-Christmas trees lying about like so much discarded sausage casing.

What people really ought to do, he reasoned, was rent a Christmas tree, and return it, alive, to the nursery once the season was over.

Mr. Martin’s idea, enabled by a rotten economy that made his free time greater and his potential labor pool deeper, is now manifest in his new business delivering live, potted Christmas trees that are taken away once the toys have been unwrapped and, possibly, already broken, and the New Year’s confetti has been swept away.

Rentable Christmas trees, which have been tried in Oregon and a smattering of other places over the years, are a perfect match for Los Angeles, he said, where Christmas trees have “an image issue,” and escaping a drive through traffic with a tree strapped to a car roof is especially welcome.

“You can try anything here, and no one will tell you it’s a bad idea,” said Mr. Martin, who is 30 and grew up in the South Bay here, where he delivered trees as a teenager for the local nursery. “California is more attached to the green movement so there are more willing to try this service here.”

To rent a tree, a customer visits his Web site, www.livingchristmas.com, picks out a tree from among several varieties and then awaits delivery. Delivery days are determined by geography, to save time and gas. Prices range from $50, for a two-to-three-foot number, up to $185 for something considerably bigger. While two weeks is the recommended length of stay for a live tree in a house, Mr. Martin lets his customers keep them for three weeks.

The tree is then picked up to join its evergreen cousins; they will summer together on industrial properties where Mr. Martin rents space for pennies on the dollar to house his inventory. People who want the same tree next year ask for the tree to be tagged with their name, so it might return next December, taller.

Extra-credit groovy points: The delivery trucks run on biodiesel; the trees are cared for by adults with disabilities; the drivers will pick up donations for Goodwill and used wrapping paper for recycling; and his Web site also sells eco-friendly, fair trade ornaments.

Mr. Martin — whose landscape architecture work slowed quite a bit this year, given that most of it was in Dubai — gets delivery help from some laid-off architects he knows. “They are willing, for $15 an hour, to put on reindeer antlers and tell people Merry Christmas.”

Last Friday, Mr. Martin expertly threaded his truck through the small streets and secret byways of Manhattan Beach, until he pulled up in front of an old beach house where, naturally, there was no parking.

“Can we steal your driveway to deliver a Christmas tree?” Mr. Martin gamely asked a neighbor, who appeared to find it very hard to say no to a cheerful pair of guys — Mr. Martin and his helper, Justin “Season” Casillas — in festive headwear carrying a spruce. Delilah and Charlotte Samuels, the children of the house, came racing out into the drizzle to check out the incoming tree.

Their mother, Megan Arquette, buried her nose in the branches. “Ramona, you’re back!” she said, taking in the tree’s scent. “Ummmm. It smells so good.” The family was one of last year’s handful of pilot customers; this year, the company has rented 400 trees and expected to finish the season with 500.

“We love this,” Ms. Arquette said of tree renting. “It stays fresh, the cleanup is minimal because it doesn’t drop anything, and it goes away and comes back next year. It’s kind of like having a little pet.”

The drive to anthropomorphize live trees seems common. Alice Haliburton, who heard about tree rentals from a pal in her spinning class, was giddy to see her “fluffy” tree arrive, so much so that she jumped around a little. “He smells great, and he’s got a good home!” she exclaimed as Mr. Martin and Mr. Casillas wedged him into a corner of her apartment in Redondo Beach. “And you can see he’s happy.

Yeah, so there can be problems. The guy who was supposed to pick up storage trays for the trees out in Chino left without them. People get touchy about trees. They don’t appreciate traffic. “I try to explain it’s Christmas, and it’s a tree,” Mr. Martin said. “I say: ‘Your temporary Tannenbaum is not there yet? What can I do for you?’ ”

But he looks forward to bringing his trees back next year. “Your kids are growing, your trees are growing, it’s really dynamic,” he said. “We’re breathing new life into the holiday.”

 

Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company

 

Sperm Banking on the Future

The world is low on sperm. 

And I had to hear it from my stockbroker.

He was recommending sperm bank stocks.  He even suggested, however delicately, that Martin make several deposits.

Too late, I informed him. That branch was closed years ago, after the birth of our second child.

Most single women I know lament their difficulties in finding a few good men. Now, beside such coveted traits as wit, intellect and cute buns, the Significant Other Rating System of a 21st Century woman will also include a high sperm count.

Needless to say, in-vitro will be en vogue.

I expect the Republican Party will take credit for this occurrence: without babies, there is no need for a welfare system, he’ll crow, and at last, the budget will be balanced.

What the politicos don’t realize is that the true crisis right now is not propagation, but in the wellbeing of the children already walking on this planet. The majority of our elementary, high school and college facilities have lowered their standards, so our children are learning less than we did. While we’re busy making ends meet, MTV Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of Atlanta are giving our latchkey kids their version of our world.  We get home too late to make real meals, so our kids chow down on candy bars, sodas, hormone-injected milk and meat, and pre-packaged, microwavable preservative-laden foods. 

Let's not forget the PCBs and DDTs in our oceans, streams and lakes. There's now an island of trash in the Pacific Ocean that is bigger than Texas. It's subprime real estate now, but when the ice caps melt, it may be the only game in town.

Talk about an ocean view.

And we wonder why sperm counts are dropping.

Keep one thing in perspective: Compared to childrearing, baby making has always been overrated. A 20-hour labor is manna compared to the first time your surly, hormonal-driven teenager comes home at three in the morning when his curfew was at 10 o’clock.

Those bemoaning the drop in sperm count are welcomed to spend a weekend with our kids.  It may change your mind on the whole picture.

Okay, seriously though, before we all start investing in sperm bank stock, let’s give humankind one more chance to renew itself: our new credo should be “One Egg, One Sperm."  Why does the average male need to produce 300 million sperm in the first place?

That’s so typical of a man: use one sperm cell, and throw out 299 million others.

—Josie

 Josie' s Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores June 1, 2010

From Amazon

From Barnes & Noble

From Books a Million

From Borders

From Copperfield's

From Your Local Independent Bookstore

From Powell's

As Strange as FIction: Hollywood Actress Fights Porn Star for Stepchild

Every now and then real life is stranger than fiction. Ironically this is one of those situations.

Hollywood star, Sandra Bullock, and her husband, the renowned motorcycle mechanic/detailer and reality show celeb, are in a custody battle for for James' seven-year-old daughter with his ex-wife, former porn star, Janine Lindemulder.

Seriously, this scenario could have been taken from my 2006 novel, Impossibly Tongue-Tied, in which a phone sex operator -- in this case, a struggling actress -- gets kicked to the curb by her hubby, whose own acting career gets kicked into high gear when he stars -- and beds -- a high-profile Hollywood actress. The actress in my book decides that making the mother of his child look unfit in the press is one way to get the kid she wants, without the stretch marks. In truth, the heroine -- the sex phone operator -- only took on the job at the behest of her hubby, so that they could make ends meet.

Wanna read an excerpt? Here you go... And btw, you can still order it online at your favorite bookstore, too.

As for this real life case, I can't imagine that Bullock is as mean or as nasty as the actress/celeb in my book. Those that work with her say she's sweet, genuine, and a real pro on the set.

As for the Lindemulder, considering she's done over 100 porn flicks (including Mrs Behavin’, Sleeping Booty and Dyke Diner) and has just been released from jail for tax fraud, I'm guessing she's going to have an uphill battle with requesting full custody, more because of her current situation (she makes about $15 an hour, and yet pay back several hundred thousand in back taxes. It's going to be hard to raise a kid that way . . .

Unless she has help with child support from her ex.

In fact, I look at the issue of moms who leave their children in my new novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives. It's due out in August 2010. 

Just do what's best for the child, always,

—Josie

Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
Simon & Schuster/Pocket
(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores

August  2010

Swine Flu: Here's the Straight Scoop

Moms, concerned about the Swine Flu for you and your family? Lissa Rankin, MD (author of the forthcoming What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend (St. Martin’s Press, 2010) spent much of this week digging through the gossip and paranoia to unearth the real data about the Swine Flu (H1N1) Vaccine, She shares it with you on her website, OwningPink.com

As a rigorously academically-trained OB/GYN now practicing in the field of integrative medicine, Dr. Rankin explains that she feels a bit as if she's caught between the worlds.

 "On one side, many docs are blindly following CDC guidelines. On the other, many integrative medicine docs are rabidly and globally anti-vaccine. I don't fit in either category, so I've tried to bridge the worlds with an objective review of the evidence."

Here are her thoughts...

Please, if you read this and are aware of good data she didn't include, Dr. Rankin invites you to share what you know in the comments. The term "swine flu" is getting thousands of hits on Google, so she feels it's important to combine to stop the spread of misinformation and help others who are confused.

And if you have questions, this is your chance. Dr. Rankin willl do her best to answer them.

If this post helps you decide how to approach the vaccine for your family, please pass it on to your friends.

To your health and happiness,

—Josie

Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
Simon & Schuster/Pocket

Look for it in bookstores
September 2010

OMG! They Got It Right! Back to Our Future...

Such a riot! This 1930s film short asked clothing designers of the day to predict what we'd look like in the future.

Believe it or not, they got a lot right. For women, they predicts barely there skirts, and sheer tops.

For guys: no ties, a scruffy look, and attachable phones – not to mention candy on the arm.

It's a new millennium. Thank gawd there are no more fashion police.

It's a new world after all,

—Josie

www.josiebrown.com

Back to Reality...

I spent the holidaze getting out from under various illnesses, reminiscing about the good ol' days under Gerald Ford (comparatively speaking), and going to TONS of flicks. It became a goal for Martin and myself: to see a movie a day.

Here is my consensus:

GOOD SHEPHERD.   A very layered story, suspense-filled, with a wonderful "what if..." premise. And so beautifully photographed! Kudos to Robert De NIro. And Matt Damon proves he is his generation's best actor. It's been overlooked by the Golden Globes, but I hope it racks up some Academy Awards nominations.

VOLVER. I never particularly cared for Penelope Cruz in American movies. Her voice struck me as too high-pitched. In this movie, however, speaking her native Spanish, she is mesmerizing, in a story that is small and large at the same time. Que linda! One of the best movies I've seen all year.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS. Will Smith embodies a character cursed with more  hard knocks than any human should have to go through.  Jaden Smith, his real son playing his son here, is a natural.  This is an uplifting film. Will  can -- and does -- stretch the envelope.

DREAMGIRLS. Both Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Hudson seem born to play the roles they took on in this film adaptation of the Broadway hit show. And Eddie Murphy is mesmerizing as well, going far beyond stereotype. Director Bill Condon's quick editing keeps the story focused, but opens it up at the same time. I enjoyed it much more than when I saw it onstage.

LITTLE CHILDREN.  Kate Winslet, our generation's chameleon actress, is both enraging and engaging as a mother who is frustrated by her own life. She can't learn to love her child until she learns to love herself. Jackie Earle Haley makes a comeback in a role of a lifetime: sad, sick, pathetic and empathetic, all in one. Oscar! Oscar!

STRANGER THAN FICTION. We see a wonderful side of Will Ferrell: one that is less antic, somewhat wistful. Personally, I loved it -- particularly as he is paired with Emma Thompson, who plays an anxious, plot- blocked author whose life is in his hands; and Maggie Gyllenhaal as his love interest. The casting makes it all work.

Holiday over. Back to the real world -- which for me, is plottin' and schemin' on the next book....