Author Provocateur: Tome of the Mommy: When to Make a Grown Man Cry

Sunday, 03 January 2010

Tome of the Mommy: When to Make a Grown Man Cry

I'll admit it, I love to make grown men cry.

On the page, that is.

Does this make me a passive-aggressive bitch? Heck, no!

Say all you want about "alpha" and "beta" males, but bottom line: if you want to make your heroes come to life, you have to do more than just scratch the surface of their characters with a frown, or a grimace, or a curl of the lip.

At the right time, for the right reason, maybe they need to shed a tear or two.

They're only human, right? Particularly when their marriages are breaking up, and they suddenly realize they can lose all they've taken what they hold most dearly for granted: their wives, their children, their homes.

Their real lives.

In my upcoming book, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, my heroine, stay-at-home-mom Lyssa Harper, hears a rumor that the neighborhood's "perfect couple" have split up. This is confirmed by the husband in question, a workaholic lawyer named Harry Wilder, whom Lyssa runs into, on the playground. I've got an excerpt for you, below.

Just call me a tearjerker,

—Josie

Harry pulls off his Bluetooth headset for good to find Temple and my son playing nicely together on the climbing gym. Mickey has gotten over his wariness of girl cooties (imaginary), and Temple is reassured that Mickey’s cooties (real, but gone) won’t be invading her full head of sun-kissed sateen curls. All is right in the world.
Harry smiles his unabashed gratitude. “Sorry. East Coast,” he says, by way of explanation. “Had to catch those guys before they go home for the day.”
I nod understandingly, and then stick out my hand. “Lyssa Harper. We’ve met before.”
Vagueness clouds his eyes. “Sure, I remember. You’re the Stuckeys’ au pair, right?”
I don’t know whether to be flattered or miffed. True, both the au pair and I have long dark hair, although mine is somewhat curlier. Okay, make that frizzy. And yes, it strokes my ego to be compared to a mere woman-child some ten years younger (not to mention ten pounds lighter). It’s more likely that he’s suggesting that I don’t seem worthy enough to live in Paradise Heights—unless I’m in someone’s domestic employ.
Only in my wildest fantasies would I assume that this is his way of hitting on me. Still, the thought of being picked up on the playground by the neighborhood DILF (the "dad I'd like to—." well, you get the picture) does give me a cheap thrill.
Then it hits me: What if he’s asking because he thinks he can buy my services, which would leave the Stuckeys high and dry? Ouch! And those twins of theirs are a handful . . .
Gee, I wonder how much he’s offering, anyway
Turns out he’s not offering at all. He just doesn’t remember meeting Ted and me at the Crawleys’ Christmas party last year. Or sharing a picnic table with us this past summer at the Paradise Heights Annual July Fourth picnic. Or that we were the ones who found Lucky after he escaped under their fence in order to chase after the Corrigan’s tabby.
My God, as oblivious as this guy is, I’m surprised he remembers his way home.
Then again, maybe he doesn’t. That might be why DeeDee had an affair in the first place.
"Um . . .no. I'm just a mom here in the Heights."
As my black-and-white image of the Wilders gradates to chiaroscuro in the harsh light of reality, Harry tries to make amends for forgetting how many times our paths have crossed by complimenting me on how well my son plays with Temple.
Now it’s my turn to blush. I’m not used to hearing compliments about Mickey from other parents, only pointed remarks about how much more “rambunctious” he is than their own perfect progeny. “Thanks,” I stammer, then add, “I think his patience comes from having a younger sister.”
“Oh yeah? My son isn’t half that great with Temple. Of course he’s somewhat older, a teenager.” He gives a conciliatory laugh. “You know how they are.”
“I know your son.”
Surprised, he blinks, then leans away slightly. He seems wary of what I might say next, so I continue gently, “Jake, right? He’s a sweet boy, too. He and my son, Tanner, play together on the basketball team. Very few of Tanner’s friends let Mickey join in when they come over to shoot hoops. You know how they can be: snubbing kids who are younger, or not as well coordinated. But Jake doesn’t seen to mind.”
Harry nods uncertainly. “Well, I’m glad to hear he’s not so—so judgmental all the time.”
“I never thought of it that way. I just think some kids instinctively know what to do with younger children.” Upon hearing this, Harry frowns. Quickly I add, “I’m not saying that that’s a good thing or a bad thing. In fact, I think it shows that, some day, they’ll make pretty good parents.”
Harry stares off in stony silence. As we sit quietly, I wonder what I’ve said wrong.
On the other hand, what does it matter? It’s my guess that he will forget our conversation the minute we gather up the kids and say our awkward good-byes. And the next time we meet, be it in the carpool line, or at a school function, or a neighbor’s party, he’ll vaguely wonder what the Stuckeys’ au pair has done with the usually caterwauling twins.
Right then and there I make up my mind that that is not going to happen, that I’m going to make a big enough impression on him that my name will finally be emblazoned on his brain, or at the very least that I crack his typically icy demeanor just this once.
Suddenly I remember another thing we have in common: our daughters.
“So, you’ve decided to give Temple a day off from school? In fact, my daughter, Olivia, is in preschool with Temple. Every now and then I let her do that, too. Kindergarten can be so overwhelming for little kids, even with a year or two of preschool under their belts. It’s not like they’re missing calculus, or anything really important, right? And the trade-offs are some wonderful memories. To be honest, though, I hate when it’s called ‘quality time,’ don’t you? I mean, every second with your child is memorable. Even watching them while they sleep is precious–”
I’ve been blathering so much I hadn’t noticed that Harry is crying.
The tears roll down his face in two steady lines. He turns his head toward me so that the children don’t see this, but my look of shock must be just as dismaying to him because he ends up burying his face in his hands.
And sobs even harder.
Harry Wilder, captain of industry, neighborhood enigma, one half of Paradise Heights’ Perfect Couple, is now a puddle of mush.
And it's all my doing.
Out of habit I still carry Handi Wipes. Although they aren’t ideal in situations like this, I can tell that Harry is appreciative for anything that will sop up this mess that is now his life.
When he's able to face me again, he looks me in the eye. “My wife left me. She’s left us.”
At this point I could feign ignorance, but since we’re both striving for honesty here, I have no desire to muck things up with a polite albeit face-saving (for him) lie, a “Gee! Look how late it’s getting” exit line, and another year or two of polite neighborly oblivion. Instead, I nod and say, “Yeah, I heard. On Halloween. I’m—I’m so sorry about it.”
“You know about it? But I—I haven’t said anything to anyone, yet! And she’s—she’s long gone, so I know it didn’t come from her.” He shakes his head at the thought that his personal soap opera is being bandied about the local Starbucks. “Jesus! And I thought news moved fast on Wall Street.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll find out about the Height’s mommy grapevine soon enough. I mean, if you plan on sticking around—”
“I am, for sure. I’m not going anywhere.” The lines on Harry’s face once again realign into a steely implacability. “This is our home. My kids love it here. We’ll…we’ll work through it somehow.”
“Sure you will,” I murmur reassuringly. “There’s no place like the Heights for raising kids. That’s why we’re all here. Hey listen, really, I didn’t mean to scare you off. You know, about the way we mommies talk and all. It was just such a shock to everyone. The two of you always seemed so—so happy.”
“Yeah. Happy. I thought we were, too.” With this, his eyes get moist again. This time, though, he shrugs, then passes a broad palm over them. I assume that he’s decided that the Handi Wipes give off the wrong impression. “You were right when you said that every minute you spend with your kids is important. And I haven’t been around for most of it.”
Well, of course you weren’t, I want to say. You were out making a living! Bringing home the bacon, playing this millennium’s version of caveman . . .
And boy oh boy, your stucco palace has all the bells and whistles to prove it.
Too bad you found another Neanderthal in there, with your wife.
But I keep my mouth shut. Because you don’t hit a man when he’s down.

The online magazine, Jezebel feels like I do about men: it's good to seem them being human beings. This article profiles 67 Hollywood movies in which men actually cry on camera (and on cue...)

Here's the video that goes with it. Enjoy!